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Refresh to Remember: Pathology 101 Offer
Buy our award winning Women Who Love Psychopaths book and get The Institute's Personality Disorders and Pathology mp3 download complimentary! (A $12 value) One of Sandra's core teaching tenets of pathology.
Price: $14
Click here to purchase the package.
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Coaching with Jennifer Plus a Free e-Book!
For the month of February, we are offering a special:
A package of four 1-hour phone sessions with our coach Jennifer Young.
Priced at $200 per package, you will also receive a copy of our e-book How to Break Up from a Pathological Relationship.
Sandra is taking NEW phone session clients
Only once or twice a year Sandra has a limited open enrollment for phone sessions. Institute Director and author, benefit from her piercing insights and kick start your recovery!
A package of four 1-hour phone sessions with Sandra is $295.
ONLY a limited number of clients will be accepted!
How to Get Started:
- New customers: email assessments@saferelationships.com with a subject of: "New Customer - Register for 4-pack with Jennifer" OR "New Customer - Register for 4-pack with Sandra"
- Existing customers: email your coach and ask for your login information to purchase a 4-pack
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Scheduled Events
1:1 Intensive with Sandra - Custom Tailor Your Time
(Only 3 Intensives offered in 2011)
March 14-18 - Asheville, NC - SOLD OUT
| Dates | Length | Cost | Location | | May 16-20, 2011 | 2 | $875 | Asheville, NC | | May 16-20, 2011 | 3 | $1250 | Asheville, NC | | May 16-20, 2011 | 4 | $1600 | Asheville, NC | | Sept. 19-23, 2011 | 2 | $875 | Asheville, NC | | Sept. 19-23, 2011 | 3 | $1250 | Asheville, NC | | Sept. 19-23, 2011 | 4 | $1600 | Asheville, NC |
Click here to learn more.
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Sandra on Power Women Radio
Sandra will be a guest on Power Women Radio on Feb. 2nd 2011 at 12 p.m. EST. Visit this website to learn more about Power Women Radio.
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Therapist Training Treating the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships Model of Care Approach
July 28-31 Brevard, NC
For those with a Bachelors Degree or higher in a related field. The Institute's own Model of Care for treating the partners of Cluster B's. Sandra is referred to as 'the pioneer of cluster b pathological love relationship recovery.'
This is the last training of 2011.
In person training includes case reviews of your clients. Webcam available but without case reviews.
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HELP US!
Our award winning book Women Who Love Psychopaths needs some book reviews on Amazon! Help other women understand why the book can help them! Will you drop by and write a review for us? Let us know when you did so we can thank you.
Volunteer Wish List
Please contact us if you have experience with the following and have time to help The Institute:
Grant Writer
Attorney to Review Items as Needed
Donations for Retreats Attendees
Professional Book Editor*
Professional Workshop Marketer
* Must have strong experience working with MLA styles and experience editing books written by therapists. Much of the work involves proofreading.
Send an email to saferelationships(at)yahoo(dot)com.
Have You Used The Institute's Products/Services And Not Relapsed?
If you have utilized our books, cds/dvds, phone sessions, retreats or 1:1s and did not go back with the pathological and did not pick a new pathological, please contact us at saferelationships(at)yahoo(dot)com. We would like to interview you for your tips on what helped you recovery and not relapse. There are lots of women who need what you learned! Pass it forward by letting us know so we can contact you for more info!
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2011 Retreat Schedule
Due to the volume of other speaking engagements, 2011 Retreat Schedule is going to be configured for only a few retreats in early 2011. If you are in need, please keep in mind that the number of retreats is going to be smaller than 2010.
Healing the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships
Monday, Feb 7 - Friday, Feb 11, 2011 - SOLD OUT!
However we are utilizing hotel accommodations for those who would like to attend and will stay off site at local hotels. Contact us for more info.
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Feature Article
When Friends Don't 'Get It' About Him
by Sandra L. Brown, M.A.
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Copyright Notice
All articles, newsletters, hand outs, websites, books, e-books, power points, or other written information as well as digital information on our radio shows, mp3s, cds, and dvds are copyrighted by The Institute. We take plagiarism very seriously and utilize computer scanning software to prosecute for the theft of intellectual property. If you have questions about the use of our information, please read our copyright page on the magazine or contact our Intellectual Property Management team.
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Remember the line 'You're known by the company you keep'? Well, I don't think that ONLY includes the pathological and dangerous man...it also includes your 'friends' and 'family' members who are emotional accomplices of his.
Someone wrote me this week and said "Please write about this--when your own friends don't get how sick he is and think you should go back or they think you're over exaggerating his faults."
There's a couple of things to consider here...first of all, your patterns of selection of dangerous, pathological, or not quite healthy people probably exceed just your intimate relationship selections--it might include your friends, cohorts, buddies, and even bosses. Women who enter recovery for pathological relationships and attend the retreats quickly figure out that their lives are LOADED with other pathological people! Not just him!
That's because those super traits in you I write about are just as active in ALL your relationships as they are in your intimate ones. So don't be surprised to find these types of people hidden out in all corners of your life. Many women realize they got some house cleaning to do in terms of clearing out all the unhealthy people from their lives once they recognize what pathology is and WHO it's in...
Secondly, the dangerous and pathological people often attract people to them. If your friends and family members have your emotional characteristics, they are likely to STILL see him how you USED to see him...they haven't been hurt up close and personal by him to 'get it' the way you do. Since these are Jekyll and Hyde guys, they have one face for you and another adorable and charming one for everyone else, including friends and family. Women get confused when they gauge whether they should be with him based on what OTHERS say about him. Intimate relationships are just that---PRIVATE and others don't see him behind closed doors the way you do/did. Their take on this charming charismatic guy doesn't include everything your gut has told you about him...
When you are ending the relationship, he's likely to pour it on to all your family and friends---the tears, the confusion and shoulder shrugging ("What did I do?") and pleading ("Help me get her back!"). Those family and friends who have those same HIGH traits of empathy, tolerance, and compassion are likely to fall for it. Top it off, that almost all the pathologicals also proclaim to be 'sick or dying' when the relationship is ending and you have a cheering squad who has lined up to back up his sad and pleading stories.
Then there's the 'finding religion' guys who go to your pastor/rabbi and blow the dust off their Bible and are sitting in the front row of church week after week telling your pastor how 'unforgiving' you are of him.
Yup. Your friends are likely to point to all that pew-sitting and think there's something to it. But YOU know better...you've seen it all before. The core of pathology is they aren't wired to sustain positive change so this too shall pass...
Getting confused about what 'other' people think of him goes back to the central issue of you having ignored your red flags when you met him. Don't ignore them again when people who haven't got a clue what true pathology is tells you that you should 'give it one more shot.' You know what you know. Tell yourself the truth. Then turn to them...and tell them too. It's called psychopathy education--teach what you know!
(**Information about pathological love relationships is in our award winning book Women Who Love Psychopaths and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more info.)
Sandra's message can be found here:
Understanding the Face of Dangerousness
Training for Professionals
Check back for our next scheduled training.
 Susan Murphy-Milano's latest article is "Understanding the Benefits of Mediation in Divorce - Part I." You can read the article at:
http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ssmstrategies-column
 Dr. Joan-Marie Lartin's latest article is "Neurofeedback Training and PTSD." You can read the article at:
Check out our articles page - categories include Experts, Law, Parenting, Pathology Under Our Noses, Pathology Misc., Research, Surviving, and Teaching. Our latest improvement -"collapsible" categories so you can jump right to the categories that interest you:
Ask Sandra!
Each week we will feature a new reader question and answer from Sandra.
Dear Sandra,
I'm in my mid 40's, second marriage. Have spent 10 years in this relationship, 5 of them we've been married. Since the beginning, I've caught him in "small" lies (emailing with another woman who I suspected was a former lover and then a threat to my relationship, saying he's meeting a client but going to a party). Frequently, I found "the goods" by snooping his email so it was often difficult for me to raise what I was learning. Whenever I did confront him about an inconsistency, the excuse seems nearly plausible, but I always find out later that what I thought was true, really was true.
Recently, we had an agreement not to accept checks from his family for Xmas b/c of a no-contact boundary we have in place with them. I learned that he cashed the checks (one of which was made payable to me) to cash and contributed the money to the foodbank "so his mother wouldn't be upset by us rejecting the checks". When confronted, he apologized for "making a mistake" and said he was just trying to avoid a conflict. When I said "I can't trust you" his response was, "I admitted it when you asked me". While that's true, I feel like I have been constantly on alert to what "might" be going on so I can "ask him" since none of these things are ever volunteered.
It seems all of these concealments are of the "what she doesn't know, won't hurt her" theme. We're in couple's therapy, is there any hope that this kind of behavior can be reversed? Or am I living with my head in the sand and I'm married to a liar I'll never be able to trust and it'll only get worse?
Sandra replies:
Whether or not he can change is based on whether or not he's pathological! If you haven't read our books you should to be able to know the difference between merely problematic behavior and what is truly pathological. Pathology does not hold consistent positive change. Sometimes looking at their history and ability to hold positive consistent change (when they say they are going to) helps get a glimpse of his capacity to actually do this. Pathology is not just relegated to willful behavior. Neuroscience shows us that they have neuro abnormalities that lend themselves to various behaviors and the inability to change some of these. Read our materials if you aren't clear on what pathology is. Good luck.
Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit: http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com
She is the author of "Time's Up a Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.
Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth.
Susan, through The Institute, will:
offer case consultations for women in high risk and high conflict relationships (available now)
offer public speaking and workshop presentations (upcoming)
sell her books and e-books (available now)
write a monthly column writer for Safe Relationships Magazine (available now)
be a public voice via radio/TV for the issues of pathological love relationships.
You can learn more about Susan on this web page:
Sandra just completed a therapist training in Florida.
Sandra will be teaching the US Military Victim Advocates in March 2011.
Sandra's and Susan Murphy-Milano's materials will be presented at the End Violence Against Women Conference in April 2011.
Celebrate with us! Sandra's classic book "How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved" has made Amazon's best seller list in the following categories:
| #2 | Best Seller - Domestic Violence Category | | #11 | Best Seller - Dating Category | | #18 | Best Seller - Sexual Violence Category
and ranked 13,640th in books!
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There is also a companion workbook to help you review your past relationships so you can spot recurring patterns. You can learn more and order a copy here:
Hypnosis for Repairing the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships CD
Imagine lying down and relaxing to restful music, feeling your muscle tension ebb away.
As your body relaxes, your mind drifts, and you listen to the soothing sound of Sandra's voice, easing your symptoms...
Learn more, listen to an audio clip, and order a copy at:
Maintaining Mindfullness in the Midst of Obsession - CDs and e-Book
 Did you know that the number one complaint in recovering from pathological relationships is intrusive thoughts and obsessions?
As you learn to manage your thinking, you will reduce obsessive thoughts about the relationship and reduce anxiety.
To listen to an audio clip and learn more about how to break the cycle and begin your healing, visit this web page:
Women Who Love Psychopaths
Get your copy of Sandra's award-winning book "Women Who Love Psychopaths."
Available in either print or e-book format.
Visit our Women Who Love Psychopaths book center to listen to Sandra read the introduction, read reviews, and learn more:
Order the Print Version of WWLP2...for only $15.97
Click here to learn more and order the book:
http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/wwlp2-print
Please read our policy regarding refunds/exchanges:
If you lose a product we will not replace it for free. If you buy an e-product, it is your responsibility to make a backup copy. You can find instructions on how to do that on this webpage.
All questions about product orders should be emailed to:
techsupport(at)saferelationships(dot)com.
Do not reply to the receipt we email you - that is an automated account.
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| All material is copyright © by Sandra L. Brown, M.A. all rights reserved, unless otherwise noted. Use with attribution. (Established 2005.) |
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http://tinyurl.com/yhpt7oc
(Use authorization code: pray4me)
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| | Sandra writes a column for Psychology Today - you can find it here. | | Share This Newsletter | Do you know of anyone who could benefit from reading our newsletter? If so, please forward a copy to them.
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The Institute for Relational 
Jennifer Young's latest article is "My Cup is Empty...Can You Help Me Out?" You can read the article and past articles by Jennifer at: 
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